


If My Heart Were A House

by thelittlestpurplecat



Category: Captain America (Movies), The Avengers (Marvel Movies)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Alternate Universe - No Powers, And Doesn't Do Anything With Them, Bucky Barnes Has Feelings, Fairly Innocent Cons, Fake Marriage, Fake/Pretend Relationship, M/M, Mutual Pining, Not Actually Unrequited Love, Skinny Steve Rogers, Steve Is Not Blameless Either
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-06-09
Updated: 2017-06-22
Packaged: 2018-11-12 05:51:43
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 4
Words: 8,651
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11155569
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/thelittlestpurplecat/pseuds/thelittlestpurplecat
Summary: “It’sexactlywhat I wanted.” Steve beamed, still pacing excitedly around their new apartment.Bucky stood back, his arms loosely crossed over his chest as he gave a non-committal noise, even though they’d already signed the lease. “Yeah,” He said absently, “It’s pretty okay.....it’s kinda drafty.”It was also a community complex with a strict ‘couples only’ policy, which he and Steve were now pretending to abide by.Also, funny side note, Bucky was in love with him….yeah….super fun…





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Alright! I'm officially back! (Hopefully for good.) I'm still just getting back into the swing of things, so be patient with me, but I really hope you guys enjoy!

 

Bucky scratched out another listing on his worn paper, his brow furrowed as he dragged his fingers through his hair. He and Steve needed a new place pretty badly, but not badly enough to put up with the mold they’d seen in the apartment today. Something like that would settle in Steve’s lungs and kill him in weeks, and that was something Bucky couldn’t stomach the thought of risking. Steve was too important. He was too brave, and crazy, and stupid to die by something as mundane as mold. He was going to go out in a blaze of glory, that one, but not for a while if Bucky could do anything about it. So no. They weren’t moving into Château de Mold. They’d keep looking- his brow furrowed deeper- but their options were getting thin… 

 

Behind him- off to his left, Bucky heard their creaky front door rasped open and clean, warm air gusted inside with Steve as he entered. Bucky glanced over his shoulder, cracking a smile as he took him in. His hair was all tousled from the still, warm breeze, his clothing rumpled. He had a pair of sunglasses on the top of his head. A tight black t-shirt and dark wash jeans hugged his slim body and even in dark colors, he looked like pure sunshine to Bucky. “Hey,” He called with a smile, Steve returning to expression though there was something Bucky couldn’t place there as well...something almost _sheepish_.

 

“Hey-” He breathed, dropping back onto the couch beside him. “So-”

 

Bucky arched an eyebrow. “So?” He asked, tossing his laptop onto the cushion beside him along with their dwindling list of housing options. 

 

“The lease is up real soon, and I know options have been really shitty-” Steve pressed on, his eyes locked on Bucky’s face in a way Bucky wasn’t sure he liked. “But I was was meeting that design client I’ve been working with in the hotel he's staying at, and I found this in the lobby.” Steve’s words very nearly tripping over each other in a rush to get it over with as he thrust a pamphlet against Bucky’s chest and quickly pulled his hands to himself. 

 

Bucky frowned, not _really_ sure he didn’t like this. He was reluctant to look down at the pamphlet, not sure he was ready for the other shoe to drop on what had his best friend acting so bizarre, but his curiosity won out. Bucky looked down, frowning as he looked at the glossy, tri-folded page. It looked like normal hotel propaganda- like every flyer for an amusement park, walking trail, or restarunt he’d ever seen promoted in a lobby, but this one was for an apartment complex. And the more Bucky looked...the nicer it seemed. 

 

He shifted forward a little, blinking as he skimmed the shiny pictures of happy residents, and clean, beautifully funished suites. It even looked like it was a managable price, so what had…

 

Bucky gave a little scoff. “Pal, this is one of those _‘community living’_ situations.” He handed back the pamphlet. “And I’m not talking orgys or old people. They only rent to  _ couples.” _

 

God Bucky wished the look on Steve’s face hadn’t been so weird. Otherwise he could have laughed this off as a dumb mistake, but when his gaze met Steve’s something in his expression turned his stomach inside out. 

 

Steve wet his lips. 

 

_ Don’t say it.  _

 

“I know.”

 

_ Goddamn it.  _

 

Steve held up his hands to still the rush of oncoming judgment, grimacing. “I know, I know!” He hurried out. “But I walked over there, Buck- It’s  _ incredible  _ and all we’d have to do is pretend, and lie on a couple forms-”

 

“Yeah, you know all about lying on forms, don’t you?” Bucky retorted and Steve’s ears went pink.    
  


“That’s low.” He snipped at him, his nose scrunching a little like it did when he was annoyed. He often regretted Bucky knowing about his multiple failed attempts to enlist. Bucky always seemed to remind him of them when he was trying to do something mildly illegal. “But it doesn’t matter.” He pressed on. “If we pretend we’re married-”

 

_ “Married?!” _

 

“Yeah. Read the pamphlet.” Steve shoved him, acting like this wasn’t the weirdest thing he’d ever asked him to do. “If we pretend we’re married we can get an  _ amazing _ place, Buck! And then we can pretend we're one of those weird, hyper-private couples that never touches in public and sleeps in twin bed like in the Dick Van Dyke show- _Come on!”_ He said earnestly, looking at Bucky so intently Bucky was dead positive he could see the outright dread that was twisting his gut into a knot. 

 

Because this con was innocent enough and it wasn’t mischief that Bucky resisted.

 

_ It was the idea of Steve realizing how crazy, stupid deeply Bucky had fallen in love with him.  _

 

It had crept up on Bucky over years and years of sleep overs and gripping Steve’s arm to scare him during bad horror movies. It had slipped- unexpected and uninvited- into his heart over games of Mario Kart, and all nighters before a brutal physics exam. And before Bucky knew it he was in love with his best friend... He was in love with him and there was no turning away- not from Steve Rogers...who could want too? He was all Bucky wanted….

 

Steve could absolutely, under no circumstances, ever, ever,  _ ever _ know. And Bucky just couldn’t imagine pretending to be Steve’s husband….holding his hand- kissing him- telling him he loved him- and not having Steve realize how deeply and ardently he meant it. 

 

“I dunno.” Bucky settled on finally. “It’d be kinda….weird.”

 

“You wouldn’t  _ actually  _ have to marry me.” Steve sniffed, “Though I'm kinda offended that you wouldn't in the name of a con.”

 

At that, Bucky snorted. “Stevie, come on-“ he tried one last time, stuffing the growing rush of anxiety as best he could. “I mean- you _really_ think its worth it? Pretending to be married every time we leave our apartment for what? A better price on an okay place?” he demanded. “Is _that_ worth it?!”

 

Steve looked up at him, his brow furrowing deeply as he stood up. "Get your shoes.” he said shortly and Bucky blinked.

 

“What?”

 

“Get your shoes!” He grabbed Bucky's arm, dragging him up to his feet. “Were going to look at it whether you want to or not cause otherwise you'll never believe me. Up.”

 

Bucky reluctantly stood, trying to ignore his rapidly pounding heart. He didn't wanna see this place. He didn't _want_ to like it and he didn't _want_ to live there…

 

But Bucky never was good at telling Steve no.

\-------

“Shit….” Bucky groaned, Steve grinning beside him as he started up at the  _ beautiful  _ apartment building, and Bucky's stomach sunk. Because even from the outside, Bucky could see that this was the nicest place they were ever going to find. “...Shit….”

 

“Pretty nice isn't it?” Steve nudged him lightly as Bucky grimace with a little nod.

 

“.... its perfect….”he resigned, before turning slowly to Steve. He looked at him- all bright blue eyes and soft blonde hair…. all torturously pink lips and smooth, fair skin…. and Bucky was more in love with him than ever. “I hate you.”

 

Steve Steve's mouth broke into a grin. ‘I know, now come on.” He grabbed his arm once again, knowing Bucky would always follow.

 

“where are we going now?” Bucky huffed, having gone from hiding nervousness to full blown panic. 

 

“Pawn shop.” Steve responded. “If were gonna pull this off we're gonna need wedding rings.”

 


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Alright, we're back for chapter two! Sorry for those of you that were confused, I forgot initially to set the chapter setting a 'multiple chapters' but obviously I'm back to bring you more! Please, _please_ comment with your thoughts and reactions, your feet back is what keeps me going  <3

Steve would be lying to himself if he said his heart wasn’t beating a little faster than normal. He felt like it was skipping every other beat as Bucky looked down into the glass case in the pawnshop. He was visually sorting through a tray of simple bands that probably weren’t real silver. But it didn’t matter. It just had to look convincing enough.

 

“You don’t want a diamond, do you?” Bucky asked, his tone neutral, and if Steve wasn’t so preoccupied with how  _ off _ Bucky had seemed since he’d brought this whole thing up- how deeply he seemed to be dreading it- Steve might have recognized the tiny voice in the back of his mind that whispered  _ yes _ .

 

He  _ did _ want a diamond from Bucky….He had since he’d asked his mother about her wedding ring...since she’d told him it was a symbol of undying love. 

 

But Sarah Rogers had been wrong. Love wasn’t undying. Death had swooped down for his father and stolen him from his parent’s very bed. And though Steve had loved Bucky since the time he was a child, he was leaving that love to slowly starve to death in a dim corner of his soul. Death would come for his love too...Steve almost welcomed the release from the ache of it. 

 

Because Bucky didn’t love him. Clearly. He looked vaguely nauseous as he looked at rings. 

 

“No,” Steve responded, shaking his head. “I think just a band is gonna be fine.” He said, trying to but the invasive thoughts to the back of his mind. Bucky was gonna come around. How could he not? The apartment was  _ amazing  _ and Bucky just needed to realize that Steve wasn’t going to put him in any deeply compromising situations. They could be a nice, modest couple and no one would have to do anything they didn’t want to do. Steve had even gotten in touch with his friend Tony and asked let him in on the con, asking if they could get a scanned copy of he and his wife Pepper’s marriage license and photoshop their signatures in in case anyone was looking for proof. Tony had practically bust a gut laughing at him but he'd eventually obliged. 

 

Beside Steve, Bucky turned, a small sterling silver ring held lightly between his thumb and index finger. He met Steve’s clear blue eyes and swallowed, dropping his gaze quickly as he reached forward to take his slim artistic hand in one of his. Steve’s pulse jumped, and he couldn’t stop his breath from hitching with old, desperate longing as Bucky wet his lips, and gently slipped the ring onto Steve’s left ring finger. 

 

Bucky didn’t trust his voice. He wanted to make some quip to make this whole thing less weird but if he was something now his voice would wobble, or he’d say something and give himself up. Because the sight of the ring on his best friend’s finger sent sparks racing around his entire body. What finally made it through Bucky’s lips was a hoarse, strangled, _‘good enough?’_

 

Steve nodded, tugging his hand back, his eyes turned quickly away. “Yeah, it’s fine.” He said, nodding again, even though the gesture made him feel like a bobble head. He didn’t know what else to do with his body- with his eyes- maybe this had been a bad idea... But none the less, Bucky picked up the second ring, sliding it on his own hand as he paid for his, Steve still not looking at him as he paid for his own. 

 

But this was fine. It was all gonna be fine. 

 

\-----

 

_ “This isn’t fine.”  _

 

Bucky had hissed the words urgently in his ear when their interviewer had stepped out of the room. They’d gone in attempting a private, conservative front, but she wasn’t buying it. At least, Bucky hadn’t thought so, and as much as this whole thing terrified him, Bucky knew Steve  _ really _ wanted this apartment….and so, of course, he was going to do everything in his power to give that to him. 

 

They needed to sell harder, and as their interviewer came back into the room, Bucky felt Steve’s hand slip onto his leg, and his whole body went hot. He was gonna die. That was it. There was no way he was going to survive this apartment complex. Not with the precedent they were setting. Their interviewer seemed dubious the entire time, not seeing a loving couple in front of her- not seeing the kind of people that would enhance their community. So they'd had to up the performance.    
  


Steve’s hand had found its way onto Bucky’s knee, Bucky’s arm around his waist and when Steve had made a light quip about hanging on to the keys cause Bucky was likely to forget, Bucky had pressed a kiss to Steve’s temple, his heart pounding out of his chest. And gradually, their interviewer had warmed up to them. She started smiling more, and the notes she scratched down on her page ceased to feel so ominous. And as they’d stood up at the end of their interview, she welcomed them to the Bellview Apartments.  

 

\-------

 

Steve couldn’t believe they’d pulled it off, yet here they were, bringing their stuff in boxes into the most gorgeous apartment Steve had ever lived in. His temple still tingled from where Bucky had kissed him, but he tried not to focus on that, or the warmth where he could still feel Bucky’s hand on his waist. They were  _ here.  _ This was going to be their  _ home. _

 

“God- this is amazing!” Steve laughed breathlessly, pacing excitedly around the apartment, his eyes flitting over every perfect surface. It was three bedrooms (One for him, one for Bucky, and room for a guest if need be,) two bathrooms, a gorgeous kitchen with sleek, modern appliances, and a view that made Steve’s pulse flutter every time he looked out his bedroom window. He felt like he could see over the whole city.    
  
Bucky stood back as Steve flitted around like a blond butterfly, looking like he’d totally forgotten what it was costing them to be here. Like pretending to be in love with Bucky didn’t twist his heart like it did Bucky’s. And of course it didn’t. Why would it? Steve didn’t think of him like that, and Bucky shouldn’t let himself think of  _ Steve _ like that. It clearly wasn’t what he wanted...but that didn’t mean this whole thing didn’t make him queasy with nerves. He crossed his arms unconsciously over his chest as he gave a non-committal shrug to Steve’s enthusiasm. “Yeah,” He said absently, “It’s pretty okay.”    
  
Steve looked at him over his shoulder, arching an eyebrow. “Okay, Mr. Snobbery. I dunno about you but this is the nicest place  _ I’ve _ ever lived, I dunno where you’re seeing room for improvement.” He scoffed, thinking of their other options- dangerous neighborhoods- mold- vermin- and that was only the  _ first _ option they’d looked at. The other’s had been just as bad.    
  
“It’s kinda drafty.” Bucky tried, unable to stop himself from resisting this because it might hide him. It might conceal the fact of how plainly and brutally Bucky was in love with him. They were here now- probably for good, but maybe, _ just maybe, _ if Bucky pretended not to like the place too much Steve wouldn’t notice the way his eyes brightened and his face warmed every time he made a show of wrapping his arm around his waist and kissing his cheek.    
  
Steve shrugged, twisting the simple ring on his finger. “Wow, we should definitely back out of our lease then.” He deadpanned, Bucky’s heart fluttering at the sight of the ring on his finger despite himself. Steve walked past him to the kitchen. “I mean,  _ drafty- _ what was I thinking bringing you into this unlivable cesspool?”   
  
Bucky finally broke from his reluctant neutrality and chuckled. “Alright, alright, you don’t have to be so dramatic, I’m just saying-”    
  
What Bucky was  _ just saying _ went unsaid as Steve heard a knock on the door. His eyes widened as he looked back to Bucky. “Quick- Look husbandly-”   
  
Bucky barely had time to try to silently convey, through a scrunched expression and helpless hand gesture, that he had no idea what ‘husbandly’ was supposed to look like before Steve opened the door. He quickly put his arm around Steve’s tiny waist, smiling.    
  
A woman with dark, warm-toned skin and long curly hair smiled brightly at the two of them. “Hi! I wanted to swing by to introduce myself. I’m Monica, you’re land lady.” She greeted, holding out a hand, which Steve shook, smiling at her. “Are you getting settled in okay?”   
  
Steve rested his head against Bucky’s ribs, smiling. “Yes, thank you so much, we’re really excited to be here.” Bucky tried to reign in his rapidly beating heart at the contact.    
  
“We’re so glad to have you.” She smiled. “We’re all here to support each other, and I know you’re just going to love being a part of our community.” Monica extended a flyer. “I just wanted to drop this off. We’re having a meet and greet this evening, we’d love to have you two along.”    
  
Steve looked up at Bucky-  _ God- _ so adorable Bucky thought his heart would explode. “A meet and greet,  _ Honey _ that sounds like fun!” Laying it on a little thick maybe but still too fucking adorable.    
  
Bucky smiled down at him. “Yeah, I’d love to go, but we’ve gotta see if we can get more unpacking done first.”    
  
Steve nodded. “Smart man.” And to Bucky’s shock and to the disservice of his already pounding heart, Steve leaned up onto his tiptoes and kissed the very corner of Bucky’s lips.    
  
Bucky didn’t even hear Steve telling Monica they would try to make it, or listen at all to her reply. His heart was trying to break his ribcage. His face and ears were hot, and Bucky knew right then and there that this innocently motivated con was going to kill him.    
  
Yep. Goodbye cruel world. He was in love with Steve Rogers.    



	3. Chapter 3

“Okay- we're already in. We already live here. We can be as conservative as we want...” Steve reminded Bucky as they walked down the stairs of their apartment to the Meet and Greet. Beside him, Bucky had started to look ansty and tense and Steve gave him a smile. “it's gonna be fine, I swear…. no one gonna hold us to any freaky standards.”

 

Bucky let out a slow breath, looking over and nodding. “No- your right…. you're right.” He nodded again, his ears picking up the sound of music as they drew closer. “We’re fine…..”

 

Steve returned the nod. “We've got this.” He assured him, looking up to Bucky as he placed one hand on the door and offered Bucky the other one. As Bucky pressed his hand into his, Steve could feel his pulse pounding under his skin. Guilt tugged in Steve's gut for what felt like the millionth time for putting his friend through this, but he kept telling himself it would get easier. And as Steve lied to himself, he pushed open the back door.

 

The apartment complexe's back patio was nothing if not surprising. It wasn’t small, or chincy. It was _huge_ and surprisingly _gorgeous._ It was a large cement area with raised garden bed all around the edge, backed by tall plants and a taller, iron wrought fence. The entirety of the area had been draped in strings upon strings of white fairy lights that glowed warm, and sweet, reflecting like stars off the surface of the circular pool in the middle of the patio. Someone clearly had a tasteful and energetic vision for this meet and greet as there was music pumping through the area but not so loud that people couldn't talk. There was a modest bar along one wall of the complex, and trays of hors devours circulating around the group.

 

And it was a _group_.

 

It seemed like everyone in the complex was there, all talking and laughing, couples on one another's arms as they chatted with friends and neighbors. A few people had turned to enjoy the pool while others, closer to the speakers were dancing, and Steve felt suddenly intimidated. His hand unconsciously tightened in Bucky's. This was so much bigger than Steve had been envisioning.

 

Bucky, on the other hand, felt something tightly coiled inside him unwind. This was the kind of crowd they could get lost in. The kind of place they could actually have a little _fun-_ enjoy a whole night and leave with no one having noticed them. His mouth tugged as he leaned in, his mouth almost touching Steve’s ear. “This is okay.” He called to Steve over the music as Steve’s slightly widened blue eyes turned up to him. “We're okay, I swear.” He nudged his best friend lightly, giving him a smile. And as Steve looked up at him, for the first time he felt like Bucky could just _maybe_ be okay with this arrangement.

 

Bucky met Steve’s eyes and he gave his arm a tug. “Come on, hubby. Dance with me.” He grinned, pulling him around the edge of the patio until they got closer to the speakers because this was something he could do. He and Steve went out to clubs to dance all the time. And sometimes yeah, he found girls to dance with. Sometimes he found guys. But a lot of the time, the two of them just had fun, and that’s what this could be. _Fun_. Just like before all this weirdness.

 

Steve gave a baffled laugh but followed him, and gradually, his own tension started to unwind, Bucky grabbed his hand, relaxing more by the moment as he danced with him. His mouth was pulled into a smile as he held Steve’s wrists, Steve’s own fingers wrapped around Bucky’s wrists as well, and Steve couldn’t help but laugh at Bucky as he danced. He really was amazing. His footwork was impeccable and he turned and shimmied and walked through something of a tango step, just dragging Steve along for the ride until he was wheezing with laughter. He was grinning at him, not breaking stride to check on him because it was no use until Steve tapped out. He knew his limits well enough that Bucky didn’t worry even at the wheeze between his laughs. Because Steve was _laughing._

 

Steve ignored his lungs, knowing he could take it as he let Bucky drag him around to dance floor like a rag doll. He stumbled and tripped and hung onto Bucky for support. And he didn’t ever want to stop. Because Bucky was _grinning..._ and a weight lifted from Steve’s shoulders.  

 

Finally, the pace of the music broke like a fever, cooling to a slower, sweeter song. All around them the dancing couples moved against one another, drawn in by the magnetic mood of the love song. Hands found one another. Head rested on chests as soft kisses were pressed to hair. And as everyone moved closer, Steve and Bucky instinctively moved apart. Bucky was still smiling, catching his breath as he stepped back. This was always where they went and got drinks and waited for the music to shift again. It almost felt like normal, and he cracked a smirk. “Catch your breath, I’m gonna-”

 

Before Bucky could get the words ‘get us some drinks’ out of his mouth, Steve’s eyes widened and he moved forward, pressing himself to Bucky’s body. Bucky’s mouth dropped open. His face went hot- Steve so small and so _warm_ against him. Sparks ran up his spine as Steve’s hand found his lower back. “Pal-” He managed in a hiss as Steve’s sharp, clear blue eyes snapped up to his face.

 

“The interviewer’s here.” He hissed urgently. “Now shut up and take my waist-”

 

 _So much for no one who would hold them to standards._ This woman had already seen the tactile, affectionate front they’d put up to get in. If her eyes were on them, they had to maintain it.

 

Bucky swallowed, one hand dropping to Steve’s waist, the other twitching uncertainly for a moment before finding his upper back. He pressed in, letting his body start to instinctively sway as he tucked his face down near Steve’s.

 

Steve could feel Bucky’s breath on his ear- his heart beating hard and steady in his chest. His body was warm under Steve’s hands. And for a selfish second, Steve closed his eyes and tried to imagine this was real. Pressing against Steve’s tiny body, Bucky was imagining the same…

 

They swayed to the music for some time before Bucky reluctantly cracked his eyes open, hearing the song winding down. “She gone?” He whispered and fuck- Steve was so close him could feel his _eyelashes_ brush the front of his shirt and he almost whined at the sensation.

 

Steve guided their swaying to a slight, quarter turn, peaking past Bucky where he’d last seen her. “I think so…” He whispered and felt Bucky nod as he pulled his body away from Steve’s.

 

He glanced down at him. “Close-” He breathed, trying a weak chuckle, a part of him wanting to recapture the mood of earlier- bring that fun and normalcy back.

  
Steve nodded, still breathing a little heavy as he chuckled. “Yeah- too close, I-”

 

“ _Hello,”_

 

Steve started turning around sharply, his back almost to Bucky’s chest as he found the interviewer right behind him. “Oh-” He managed, his mouth suddenly dry and sticky.

  
She smiled, holding up her hands. “Sorry, I didn’t mean to scare you.” She apologized, her eyes catching the little movement as Bucky placed a hand on Steve’s elbow, his back to his chest.

 

Bucky stepped up to the metaphorical plate, smiling. “Hi, it’s Danni, right?” He asked, and the woman nodded, smiling again.

 

“That’s me.” She inclined her head, with a slight dip of her knees like a mock-curtsy before she shook her head getting back to her point. “I saw you two over here and I thought I’d ask if you wanted to come over to the bar. We’re talking to a few of the other new couples, and I thought you might be interested in joining us.”

 

Recovering from the surprise, Steve looked up at Bucky, all too conscious of his hand on his arm. And how could they refuse? They could hardly say it had been a long night and they were ready to turn in. Besides, the entire emphasis of this apartment complex was community, and connectivity with other couples. They couldn’t. Steve wet his lips. “Yeah-” He said quickly, his eyes flickering back up to Bucky. “Yeah, yeah- that sounds great.”

 

Danni smiled. “Perfect, come on and follow me.” She turned, leading the way around the edge of the pool back to the bar. Steve and Bucky followed, and Steve wasn’t sure about him, but his own heart was in his throat.

 

Bucky wasn’t in much better states, his chest tight as they followed the woman over to a cluster of patio chairs around a fire pit near the bar. And as they wove their way into the group between them, Danni headed straight to their landlady, Monica and sat herself down on her lap. Monica looked up at her with a tender smile, her arms wrapping loosely around her waist before she looked to Steve and Bucky, the smile widening. “Steve! Bucky, I’m so glad you made it.” She beamed. “I see you’ve met my wife, Danni.”  


Bucky nodded as he sat nod, his heart lurching in his chest as Steve mimicked Danni’s gesture and sat down on his lap. “Yeah-” He managed to get out as Steve rested an arm over his shoulder, fingers tracing absent little patterns on the back of his neck. He couldn’t breathe. “She uh- she interviewed us actually-” If his smiled seemed forced it was only because he was struggling to hide both panic and arousal, which was a wildly inappropriate and terribly uncomfortable feeling. Besides- with Steve sitting right on his lap- if he didn’t keep it under control it was game over.

 

Oh, he wouldn’t get them kicked out, but he might lose his best friend if he felt Bucky getting hard against his ass.

 

“Well, we’re really glad you made the cut.” Monica smiled, before quickly introducing the other three couples. Mark and Chrissy, were both short and rosy, while Jemma and Ben were lanky and fair. The third couple was a little more mismatched with Natasha being slim with a suggestion of sinewy strength, Clint was shorter, with heavier muscle and apparently much more humor.

 

And after the initial panic faded, Steve, at least, found himself actually enjoying the company. Bucky still seemed a little tense, but even he seemed to relax a bit when Nat engaged him in conversation, showing more humor than Steve had originally assumed. As the night grew darker around them and the fairy lights glittered like fireflies they were surprised to find themselves among friends. Every eye on them stopped feeling like a scrutiny, and Steve relaxed. He snuggled close to Bucky and maybe had one too many. Bucky had had one too many earlier on in the night to try to calm his jangling nerves and was now slowly coming off the pleasant buzz. And as tended to happen with couples, talk turned to engagements.

 

“So what about you two?” Monica smiled, settled close to her wife as a little chill slipped into the air.

 

Steve blinked his head having found it’s way to Bucky’s chest almost unconsciously. He blamed the alcohol. “Us?” He looked up at Bucky, in too much of a sweet spot to panic over the fact that they hadn’t talked about a cover story. So the first thing that came out of his mouth was the closest thing to the truth he’d ever dared to speak when Bucky was within earshot. “We’ve known each other since we were kids. I was in love with him forever.” Steve blamed the alcohol again if his eyes lingered on Bucky's.

 

_And fuck did that ever hurt._

What had felt pretty good for several hours now- what Bucky had felt like he could manage without getting his already aching heart broken suddenly wrenched with pain inside him. Because he wanted to believe that Steve was saying that because he wanted too. Not because he was tipsy and in the presence of people who thought they were together. His stomach knotted up as Steve went on, still looking right at him like he meant it.

 

“I thought I’d died when he put that ring on my finger….” Steve smiled, still speaking the absolute, unimpeded truth. “I finally got him locked down for good.”

 

From the other side of the fire pit, Danni gave a slightly tipsy giggle. “God, you two are so cute,” She laughed, leaning against Monica. “You remind me us-” She reached over, taking a drink spoon from a little patio table and clicking it against Monica’s strawberry mojito. Across the fire, Clint smirked, taking his own spoon to his glass as the other couples joined in.

 

 _No- Steve- no!_ The thoughts in the back of Bucky’s mind were urgent, Bucky trying to betray them through his eyes as Steve looked up at him, inhibitions lost.

 

And why not? Everyone already thought they were married. And Steve loved him… really, _really_ loved him. He may not get another chance.

 

So Steve turned to straddle Bucky’s lap, his arms wrapping around Bucky’s neck as he pressed his mouth to his.

 

Bucky’s whole body went hot. He felt like a glowing hot knife had twisted through his chest as Steve’s impossibly soft lips parted against his. And it was all he could take not to crush him against his body- kiss him with all the pent-up, love and hunger, and desperation, and never let him go. And it was all he could do not to shove him off and stalk away to try and hide his breaking heart. Because it was all _fake._ It was all fucking _fake._

 

Over his lap, Steve was almost dizzy, his fingers lacing through Bucky’s hair- his lips warmer, and sweeter than Steve had ever dared to imagine. And in those few seconds, it felt so _real…._

 

And then Bucky broke back from the kiss, tipping his chin down. “Okay, baby.” He huffed, smiling like his heart wasn’t dying inside him. Like he didn’t want to recoil- snarling like a wounded animal. Instead, he patted Steve’s thigh. “I think you’ve had plenty to drink.” He looked past him to their company and their hosts. “I should get him to bed.”

 

At the murmurs of understanding, Bucky lifted Steve off his lap, holding his arms until he was sure he had his feet under him and Steve scoffed a little. ‘I’m fine- I promise I can stand on my own two legs, Buck.’ For the sake of the eyes around them, Bucky smiled and wrapped an arm around his waist. “Sure you can...come on.” And to the farewells of the other’s Bucky took Steve up to their perfect apartment.

The second the door closed behind them, Bucky drew his arm from around Steve’s waist, feeling raw, and sore, and hurt. He told himself he was being unreasonable. Steve couldn’t have known because Bucky had ever told him. But emotions were emotions and they didn’t often operate on a rational spectrum. And right now, Bucky was just hurt....he was sad and confused, and lonely for the one person he couldn’t have the way he’d always wanted….he just wanted to sleep.

 

Cognizant enough to know what he needed, Steve went to the refrigerator- not stumbling, but definitely carefully watching his own feet- he got himself a big bottle of water, leaning against the counter to drink it. He closed his eyes, smiling breathlessly. Maybe he was crazy. Maybe it was just cause he was tipsy, but tonight had given the starving suggestion of love buried in his heart a taste of hope. Maybe Bucky wouldn’t just fall in love with him tomorrow. Maybe it’d be months, or years, but Steve had _felt_ something tonight, and eve though he knew he’d be better to just move on and not hang his hope on it- he couldn’t help it.  

Could he blame himself?....

  
Steve cracked open his eyes, smiling as he watched Bucky sprawl out on the couch and he made his way over, water bottle still in hand. He leaned over the back, smiling down at him and he lightly tapped the tip of his nose. “Hey sleepy- you wanna get curly fries? I could kill for some right now.”

 

Bucky’s lashes fluttered but his eyes didn’t open as he rolled onto his side away from him. “I don’t want curly fries, Steve. Go to bed.”

 

Steve circled around, stabilizing the slight wobble on the arm of the couch as he flopped down over his legs. “Christ- are you always this cranky sober, or did I just never notice?” He teased, taking another swallow of his water, watching out of the corner of his eyes as Bucky’s brow silently furrowed. Steve reached over, lightly squeezing his ribs. “Come don’t don’t be like that, hubby.”

 

Bucky’s eyes flashed open and he dumped Steve off his legs, getting up off the couch. “Cut it out, Steve.” He snapped sharply, his eyes stinging. “I’m not your husband, alright? You don’t have to keep that up in here.”  

 

As Steve got his feet under him a hurt scowl twisted his expression. “Jesus, Buck it was a joke I know you’re not-”  

 

“So why do you keep acting like it, huh?” He snapped, turning around, glaring through wet eyes. “Door’s closed- there’s no one here. _Why?”_ Maybe Bucky was hoping he’d say it- that Steve would crack under the pressure and they’d be like a movie. An impassioned fight shattering with a ragged ‘ _because I love you,’_ and then a moment of stunned silence before a kiss so hard and deep and passionate everything else stopped mattering. But that wasn't how things like this happened. Not with Steve. His anger ran too deep and too hot. It didn’t get thrown off, or sidetracked, and Bucky could feel his grip slipping as Steve’s expression twisted in confusion and hurt.

 

His mouth opened helplessly, anger at the sudden shattering of his illusion twisting inside him. Why the fuck was Bucky doing this to them? It had been _nice-_ It had felt _real-_  “I was just-”

 

“You like me? Huh?” Bucky gritted out, hating himself- god he fucking _hated_ himself. “You in love with me, Stevie?”

 

“No!” Steve snapped back, anger winning out over everything. It won out over his baffled confusion over how aggressive Bucky was being- how hard he was pushing- like he was just looking for a way to make Steve give himself up and then he’d have his reason to call off this whole, stupid thing. And Steve’s blood boiled.“No- I’m not fucking _in love_ with you, you bitter, belligerent, self-centered asshole.” He snapped, his teeth bared right in Bucky’s face. “And if that’s what you think you can go fuck yourself, huh, _buddy?_ Go sit on a fucking cactus and see if I care, but whatever you do keep it the fuck away from me.”

 

Bucky’s heart lurched as Steve shoved past him, and stormed out of the apartment with no keys, and no wallet. Just gone- unable to stand….

 

...to stand _him_ …

 

God- Steve couldn’t fucking _stand_ him, and Bucky felt nausea wash through him.

 

Oh God….god- he’d ruined everything.

 

 

 


	4. Chapter 4

Steve’s blood was rushing so loud he couldn’t think as he wrenched the ring off his finger, hurling it across the sidewalk. It struck the concrete- the sound as jarring as a gong, the band bouncing crookedly, striking the sidewalk again and dropping down a grate. Steve’s stomach dropped with it and for a hot second, the anger broke and he stifled a cry, lurching towards the grate. He dropped down to his hands and knees, eyes huge as he grabbed for the ring knowing he was never going to catch it.

 

And kneeling there outside the apartment building, Steve burst into tears. 

 

The first sob ripped like a wound- tearing open his chest and doubling him over with a gutted sob. His fingers curled into the grate, gripping it in a white-knuckled hold as he choked on his sobs. _Why would he do that?_ How could Bucky have been so miserable and angry? It had been a joke- a fucking _joke_ \- why did he have to come after him- try to corner him like he wanted Steve to break. And he’d wanted to. Steve had wanted to grab Bucky and shake him. He’d wanted to scream in his face that _‘yes, of course,_ _he loved him!_ Of course, he wanted this with him- more than a con. More than a lie. He wanted them to be together more than _anything!_

And he wanted to hit Bucky. He wanted to scream at him that all he'd ever wanted was to have more with him and he was doing a hell of a job fucking up even the distant possibility. He wanted to fall into his arms and sob, and ask him why he was doing this to them…

 

Even if they could never be more than friends, he hadn’t needed to- to be the way he’d been. So sharp and bitter, and obviously repulsed...Steve could take a hint.

 

He caught in a ragged, shuddering sob his jaw locking as he rubbed angrily at his eyes, the rage resurfacing through the hurt. Who cared about that stupid ring? It wasn’t like they were going to be able to pull this shit off...not with Bucky barely being able to hide his disgust at touching him until they were behind closed doors. They would either be asked to leave, or Bucky would walk out. Or at this point- maybe _Steve_ would. Maybe Bucky didn’t deserve him trying to make this work... _he_ shouldn’t have to be the one trying to make this work…

 

...make  _ them  _ work…

 

Steve stood up, still trying to quell his hurt and angry tears. He pulled out his phone and, with quivering hands, texted Tony asking him for a couch to crash on.

 

\------

 

Bucky found himself pacing, a sick kind of panic twisting his gut into a knot. He was pretty sure he was going to throw up the strawberry vodka screwdriver he’d had at the meet and greet. _What had he done?_ What the hell did he just do? Steve had been sweet, and tipsy, and affectionate. He’d just wanted to snuggle and eat curly fries and Bucky had lost it like the complete, self-centered, self-destructive moron he was! 

 

A voice in the back of his head reminded him that he was _hurt_ \- that it wasn’t wrong to be upset because what was a game to Steve was very  _ real  _ to Bucky. Steve joking, and calling him hubby, and tracing his fingers over his ribs was all just a game to Steve. It was a little white lie...a victimless crime...except it wasn’t because every time Steve touched him lightning raced under his skin, and when he’d kissed him, Bucky’s every thought fractured into nothingness. Because Steve was all that mattered, and this thing they had was the most meaningful and painful thing Bucky had ever experienced. It was his _everything_.

 

And to Steve it was a fucking _joke._

 

Bucky swallowed back the poisonous twist of hurt, beating it back. He had no right to be upset...he’d been awful… He’d hurt Steve…. Of course what Steve was doing hurt but it wasn’t  _ intentional _ ...he didn’t mean to break his heart ever time he smiled...or touched his hand...or kiss him… He had no right to be upset….and he needed to make it right. 

 

Bucky swallowed, rubbing the heel of his hand over his stinging eyes as he found his phone, pressing Steve’s icon, grateful that Steve had his phone with him. He’d left without anything else, but Bucky had felt the phone in his pocket when he’d helped him up the stairs and he knew he hadn’t set it down after coming in. At least he had a way to get in touch... His mouth was dry as he listened to the ring and then-

 

_Voicemail_. One ring in.

 

In some way, Bucky was relieved. Steve had his phone and he’d seen his call. On the other, he’d sent it immediately to voicemail....he didn't want to talk to him. He didn't want to hear his voice.... Bucky swallowed. “Stevie-” He faltered, just desperately wanting to put this behind them. He could be good...he could pretend kissing Steve didn't kill him. He could pretend he was fine with it all being a fucked up little game so long as he had Steve in his life...he needed that... “...Steve...please come back in...I fucked up….” Bucky breathed, frowning uncertainly. “Please…” Hesitating, Bucky terminated the call. He wanted to apologize in person. He wanted to look Steve in the eyes so he could see he meant it….It wouldn't be the same over voicemail.

 

And after a half hour, Bucky started getting anxious. “ _ Steve? Come back in, please. I just wanna talk. I wanna apologize.” _

 

An hour later, Bucky was pacing nauseously, wringing his fingers through his hair, images of Steve- in trouble or dead- racing circles around his mind.  _ “Steve I’m worried- just call me, o-or something. I just need to know you’re not hurt...I’m sorry- I’m really sorry, I just wanna know you’re okay…” _

 

An hour and ten minutes later, Bucky’s heart lurched into his throat as his phone buzzed. He snatched it up, almost losing his hold on it before he managed to press the button on the side, fumbling through his passcode before Steve’s text filled the small screen. 

 

_ “staying at tonys” _

 

It had been typed quickly with no attention to punctuation or capitalization the way Steve was so often careful to do. It was short. Angry. But it both soothed and irritated the feelings in Bucky’s chest. He was safe so the worry faded….but he wouldn’t talk to him….he didn’t want to be around him….and Bucky was scared he’d lost him for good.

 

\--------

 

Steve stayed at Tony’s for two nights. At first, Tony was insistent- pushy even- for Steve to tell him what had happened, Steve just wanted to sleep. Tony had bugged him while he curled up on his couch, threatening to show their friends some adorable (but embarrassing) photos of Steve when they were younger, and when Steve just curled up tighter, his face pressing into the couch, Tony had backed off. His demeanour had softened, and he murmured that maybe Steve should just get some sleep. He didn’t ask again until after he’d gotten back from work the second day and at that point, Steve let everything gush out. 

He told him  _ everything.  _ He told him about the apartment and the con and the meet and greet. He told him about the kiss and about the fight...he told him he’d been in love with Bucky his whole life, and divulged his hope that maybe this trick would turn into something real, but clearly not.  Tony was the first person he’d ever told how he felt about Bucky and he handled it with remarkable maturity. And his advice was sound. Steve needed to stop. He needed to move on from Bucky. He needed to get back on the horse that he’d fallen off of the day he’d met Bucky...Tony was right. If Steve wanted to salvage their friendship he had to kill his hope for a relationship. The two couldn’t co-exist in this living situation. They just couldn’t. 

 

Steve sighed, feeling emotionally drained after the talk despite his deep gratefulness for his friend in that moment. He’d just needed to clear his emotional vision. He and Bucky weren’t going to happen. They couldn’t. And when he was done being mad they could be friends again, but Tony was right. He needed to move on. 

 

“Hey Tony?” Steve murmured, turning his head towards his friend, resting back against the couch. “...thanks for all this...I really needed it...pretty bad actually.” He huffed cracking a little smile. He’d been nervous to open up because Tony had a reputation for sarcasm and immaturity, but this weekend he’d really come through for him. Steve hoped he could see in his expression how much that meant to him. 

 

“You can thank me again.” Tony smiled coyly, glancing over at him. The expression was sly and Steve felt his pulse skip as he gave a suspicious little frown.    
  


“Wait- why?” He huffed, a half smile tugging at his lips. 

 

Tony smirked, handing Steve’s phone back to him, Steve only realizing just then that Tony had it. “Because I’ve officially put you back on the horse. “ And Tony’s smile grew as Steve’s eyes dropped to his screen and then went huge. 

 

“No-”

 

“Oh yes,” 

 

“Tony, no!” His eyes flashed up, mouth open in partial panic, seeing the message Tony had sent out from his facebook messenger. “No, no, no- Tony I can’t it's-”

 

“Sam Wilson.” Tony finished, grinning. “Come on, Rogers, you literally  _ never  _ shut up about him in high school, and he’s back in the area.” He nudged him, Steve staring at the screen. “Besides, it’s not like “you” messaged him for a booty call. You asked him if he wanted coffee. Nothing crazy, now I’ve talked you through your relational-emotional garbage, gave you a place to crash, and set you up with your high school crush, and he’s _typing_ -” Tony pointed to the little bubbles that popped up on Steve’s screen. “...so I think what you’re trying to say is ‘thank you’.”

 

Steve’s mouth was slack as Sam’s reply bloomed onto the screen.  _ “Yeah, it’s been forever! And I don’t know if this is too soon or anything, but I’m free today. CeeCee’s Diner? I’ve heard they’ve got great pie.”  _

 

“....thank you…”

 

Tony folded his arms behind his head, beaming as he leaned back into the couch. “You’re welcome.”

 

\---

 

If Steve was honest with himself it was the nicest day he’d had in awhile. He'd gotten to spend time with Tony. He'd gotten his first good night sleep in some time, and he was on a _date._ His first date in a very long time. Sam was just a kind, and witty as he remembered, and he’d grown nothing but more handsome. Of course Steve was nervous, and of course, Sam was friendly and charming. He ribbed Steve a little until he loosened up, laughing at himself for being so flustered over his high school crush. 

 

And with the initial awkwardness out of the way, Steve found himself relaxing around Sam, the fluttering in his stomach fading away as they joked and teased and caught up. Oddly enough, it wasn’t the date Steve had always fantasized about...Of course as a smitten highschooler, he’d imagined more drama and fanfare. More heated making out in front of a crackling hearth and less accidentally spilling iced coffee down his shirt and talking about his major in college. But overall it was nice and relaxing, but it also stirred an uncomfortable realization in Steve.

 

He was _hooked_. 

 

_ Fuck. _ He was so hooked on Bucky- even _furious_ at him- that Steve could only see a date with the guy he’d crushed on all through school ending with a kiss on the cheek and promising to stay in touch. Steve didn’t see them going out for a drink. He didn’t envision them going back to Sam’s place. He saw a comfortable, relaxing date, and a friendship in their future...not the romance he’d always wondered if they’d have. 

 

Sam leaned forward a little in his seat. He wasn’t blind, he’d felt it too. They’d meant to connect on one level and had ended up connecting on another. It happened, and Sam was more interested in pursuing a genuine friendship than forcing a romance that wasn’t meant for them. He kicked Steve lightly under the table. “Hey, man," He murmured, catching Steve's attention, having noticed he was disengaged in his own thoughts. When Steve's clear blue eyes lifted, Sam raised his eyebrows a little. "Don’t freak out but I think you might have a stalker across the street.” He murmured.

 

Across the table, Steve’s eyes widened a little. “What?” His eyes flickered over. “Where?” 

 

“Over on the other side of the street and a little behind you.” Sam murmured, taking an inconspicuous sip of his coffee. “She’s been lurking for like...twenty minutes and I’m pretty sure you’re the one she’s staring at.”   
  


“Unlikely,” Steve smiled. “You’re clearly the superior stalking target, considering how- how...oh-” Steve’s voice dried up as his eyes flickered back, his stomach dropping sickly as his blue eyes met a pair of brown, which widened in an expression of distinct recognition. And Steve's heart dropped sharply. His eyes snapped back to Sam in a look of near-panic. “Oh no- no- no- no-” He whispered, looking back feverishly again. Across from him Sam starting to look seriously worried. 

 

He frowned, touched his arm lightly. “What’s going on, Steve? Who is she?” 

 

Steve tossed back another panicked look.  _ Oh god, she was coming-  _ “My landlady-” He blurted out. “Listen- it’s not gonna be what it sounds like- it’s a couples only complex, we were pretending to get a room, I’m not-”

 

“ _ Steve?”  _

 

Steve’s pulse shot through the roof, his eyes widening as he stared up at Monica. And he wasn’t sure he’d ever seen anyone who'd previously been so warm, look so _frightening_. Monica's jaw was set in a hard, tight clench, her eyes vivid with righteous fury. Steve held up his hands helplessly, realizing his mistake too later when her eyes dropped, seeing that Steve had taken off his wedding ring. “Monica, it’s-”

 

“I’d like to speak to you." Her voice was tight and clipped. " _ Now _ .” 

 

_ Oh god.  _

**Author's Note:**

> Thought and comments are away welcome! You have no idea how far your feedback goes to keep me motivated. <3 <3 <3


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